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2009.02.14.1506
arrival of a new friend
2009.02.11.0807
somehow
out of the bleak depths of my aparently seasonally-triggered annual depression (this one lasting from early December through about a week ago,) which varied from melancholic despair to dull anhedonia and romancing the thought of suicide, blossomed at its tail end into the full-blown withdrawl from reality (and into the bottle.)
then one day i just woke up and felt like myself again, making a silent promise to myself to finally get some professional help at the next onset of such an episode. when i look back, read old journals, it is obvous that i have suffered from depression ranging from dysthymia to severe suicidal self-loathing for most of my life. it was only around the time i moved to California that the fog lifted long enough for me to realize that depression was not the only game in town. of course, once in a while i had the great fortune to enjoy brief periods of hypomania, during which times i would cling to some creative endeavor or other for dear life, pouring everything i had into it, usualy with interesting results. somehow i got through all that. but when i read today's advice on depression for men i shudder. according to the wisdom of our age i've been a ticking time bomb. oops.boom.
but right now i am transcendently happy, interested again in everything, doing a lot.
i have been working in stone and glass and mortar almost every day for an hour or more, the results of which are tangible, appealing to the eye, and very, very heavy. a small elvated garden bed planted with rosemary, cypress, iceplant, agaves and a few cacti, built of small, irregular stone and morar; and a 14' serpentine bottle wall, *nearly* done, about 6' high when complete. a fence is going up all around the compound, upon completion of which X-Ray and i will go shopping for some more puppies to keep him company while I'm gone. i wrote a lot in December and early January - short stories and a few songs - but nothing's finished yet.
many pro-positive life events just around the corner: MIdnight Ridazz 2nd Annual visit to East Jesus this weekend, (hopefully) the groundbreaking of the Temple, a month-long recording engagement with Natasha, and the Saltwater crew camping out here during their Salton Sea location shoots. if nothing prevents me from doing so, i will be at Arcosanti for Paolo Soleri's 90th birthday on the solstice, beginning a workshop that day and spending the rest of the summer there.
in honor of Natasha's wish to record her album here with me, i have sacrificed some of my retirement moneys to put together a nice little studio. she's bringing her HD recording gear and a few mics; i found an amazingly cheap 6' grand piano in San Pedro and am throwing in a fretless electric/acoustic bass guitar, a mixer, active monitors and effects, plus a decent large-capsule condenser mic (or two.) all that and cables are on their way as i write.
thanks for your patience. feels good to be home.
2008
2007.fall
2007.summer
2007.winter
2006