Quinoa snuck into my life about a year ago and has since become a staple. It’s the most forgiving, quick-cooking natural grain I know of, highly tolerant of slight mis-measurement of grain or water, and of flame too high or too low. And supposedly it’s a complete protein unto itself. As if I could really care about all that. Bottom line, it’s darned tasty. And today we kicked the tasty up a notch. Let me tell you how:


This recipe serves two, or one hungry mofo. You need a medium or large frying pan, a small saucepan and:

olive oil
3-4 heads of garlic, separated into cloves, still in their skins
3/4 C quinoa
1-3/4 C water
1 cube chicken bullion or Maggi

Fry up the garlic cloves, still in their skins, in 2-3 Tbsp. olive oil over medium-low heat, stirring often, until lightly golden brown. Set aside in a bowl, and transfer oil to saucepan, adding more as needed to taste. You can never have too much olive oil.

Heat the oil in the saucepan over meduim heat until heated through, then add the dry quinoa and stir over high heat for a few minutes. Add the water and the bullion cube, bring to a boil, cover and simmer for about 25 minutes, allowing to sit for an additional 5-10 minutes afterward.

Skins the fried garlic cloves and fold them into the quinoa, and serve.

This simple recipe begs for experimentation, but it’s pretty delicious all on its own. There’s an interesting synergy between the garlic, olive oil and quinoa, and it can serve as a stand-alone meal.

Now, I have to admit I’ve been holding out on this one. East Jesus Adult Beverage Research Science has been hard at work for over two years bringing this cocktail recipe to perfection. It’s the perfect refreshment for hot summer afternoons, when a little hot pepper and a little something salty are especially welcome. Good for replenishing electrolytes! And this recipe is equally delicious in its non-alcoholic version (I usually have my first one or two of the day “virgin,” using O’Doul’s instead of whatever cheap American beer I happen to be stocked up on.)


You need: a pint glass, a paring knife and:

1 12-Oz cold cheap beer (or O’Doul’s)
3-4 Oz Clamato (regular or picante) – substitutions will yield poor results
1 key lime
Tabasco (NO substitutions here!)
Worcestershire sauce

The rest should be obvious but I’ll explain it anyway: in your pint glass combine the Clamato, a good slug of Worcestershire, four dashes of Tabasco (or to taste,) and the juice of one key lime, cut in two halves and squeezed. Carefully add the beer and refresh thyself and thy neighbor.

The Worcestershire is tricky. With some brands, a little dab’ll do ya. With others, you need to get more aggressive. Start with just a drop or two and work you way up. While too much Tabasco makes for a heart-quickening adventure, too much Worcestershire will leave you with something your dog won’t even drink. Might make a nice marinade for pork, though….

There. That ought to get you through the summer. As usual, send in your suggestions, hints, kinks, hacks, etc to this address, and please be patient with a reply as our fan mail simply overwhelms us and at times must be brought in by plane…